Back when I was in high school, my parents really wanted me to apply to Wellesley College. Two main reasons for this: It was close to my hometown, and it was Hillary Clinton's alma mater.
Still, when I toured the campus, I struggled to understand the appeal of a women's college. I remember that the student who led my tour said that she enjoyed Wellesley's STEM classes because she could participate freely without men interrupting or speaking down to her. I didn't understand. In class, at work, and in my personal life, I talk loudly and often—I'm more likely to be told to "shut up" than to "speak up." Maybe it's because I'm the youngest of four kids: I always had to yell if I wanted to be heard. Why would I ever let a male classmate's rudeness dictate how I participate?
Lots of reasons, it turns out. As Elissa Bassist writes in a feature adapted from her new memoir and published on our site today, men in movies and on TV routinely take up more airtime than women. Political debates and election season media coverage minimize women's voices. Men speak over women so much that when women talk, they often train their voices "to sound firmer and more powerful"—that is, to sound more like men's. All of these cultural factors contribute to uneasiness about speaking up in class or at work. Patriarchy makes women uncomfortable with the sound of their own voice.
Maybe this is the reason that, when I transcribe interviews, I skip over the parts where I pose a question. Maybe it's why I dread recording voice-overs for Mother Jones' (excellent) TikTok channel. Maybe I'm not as immune to internalized misogyny as my high school self seemed to think.
As Bassist writes, it's difficult to overcome this discomfort with speaking up, but once you do, it feels really good. "Risk being unlikeable and being perceived as unreasonable, and risk being called a fucking bitch," she writes. "Risk a voice that doesn't demure, a voice that is difficult, unaesthetic, charged, forthright, sappy. Risk it, or risk living a half-a-person life."
—Abigail Weinberg
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