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- Russian Soldiers’ Guns, Tanks Vanish Into Thin Air As First Wave Of Sanctions Takes Effect
- Governor Abbott Warns Children Of Accepting Parents Often Grow Up To Become Accepting As Well
- Russia Seizes Chernobyl Power Plant In Ukraine
- The Biggest Crypto Heists Of All Time
- Ketanji Brown Jackson Weighs Making History Against Soul-Crushing Thought Of Spending Time With These People
- Geologists Unearth Fully Intact Rock
- Disney Unveils New Mass Grave Where Fans Can Be Buried Alive With Favorite Characters Forever
- Lies U.S. Military Recruiters Are Legally Allowed To Tell Recruits
- Understanding The Situation In Ukraine
- Monsanto Investor Removes Wedding Ring Before Taking Meeting With Tall, Busty Celery
| Russian Soldiers’ Guns, Tanks Vanish Into Thin Air As First Wave Of Sanctions Takes Effect Posted: 25 Feb 2022 02:43 PM PST  KYIV, UKRAINE—Leaving journalists and eyewitnesses "absolutely stunned" as they watched in amazement, Russian soldiers' guns and tanks were reportedly vanishing into thin air Friday as the first wave of international sanctions took effect. Cries of, "No! No! The sanctions! They're kicking in!" were heard across the… |
| Governor Abbott Warns Children Of Accepting Parents Often Grow Up To Become Accepting As Well Posted: 25 Feb 2022 01:45 PM PST  AUSTIN—Calling upon licensed professionals and members of the public to report the parents of transgender youth, Texas governor Greg Abbott warned this week that children of accepting parents often grow up to become accepting themselves. "When kids start experiencing acceptance at such a young age, this behavior… |
| Russia Seizes Chernobyl Power Plant In Ukraine Posted: 25 Feb 2022 12:49 PM PST  Ukrainian officials have confirmed that Russian forces have seized control of the Chernobyl power plant, the site of the world's worst nuclear disaster, as troops advance on the capital, Kyiv. What do you think? |
| The Biggest Crypto Heists Of All Time Posted: 25 Feb 2022 11:45 AM PST  As cryptocurrency becomes more popular, the number of efforts to steal money from users and exchanges is also on the rise. The Onion looks at the biggest crypto scams of all time. |
| Posted: 25 Feb 2022 11:40 AM PST  WASHINGTON—In the hours after learning she had been chosen as the first black woman to be nominated to the U.S. Supreme Court, Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson reportedly weighed making history against the soul-crushing thought of spending time with these people. "Of course, sitting on the highest court in the land… |
| Geologists Unearth Fully Intact Rock Posted: 25 Feb 2022 11:12 AM PST |
| Disney Unveils New Mass Grave Where Fans Can Be Buried Alive With Favorite Characters Forever Posted: 25 Feb 2022 10:25 AM PST  BURBANK, CA—In what officials at the entertainment conglomerate described as a "thrilling opportunity for fans of all ages," the Walt Disney Company announced Friday the opening of a new mass grave in which customers can be buried alive with their favorite Disney-owned characters. "We know that people absolutely love… |
| Lies U.S. Military Recruiters Are Legally Allowed To Tell Recruits Posted: 25 Feb 2022 10:20 AM PST  Military recruiters, who often work in schools and malls, have been known to make enlisting sound glamorous, lucrative, and patriotic in order to attract new cadets. Here are common lies recruits should always watch out for before they enlist in the military. |
| Understanding The Situation In Ukraine Posted: 25 Feb 2022 08:57 AM PST  Simmering tensions in Ukraine have escalated in recent days as Russia launched several military attacks, leading to fears that a larger war is imminent. The Onion offers a primer to help understand the current situation in Ukraine. |
| Monsanto Investor Removes Wedding Ring Before Taking Meeting With Tall, Busty Celery Posted: 25 Feb 2022 08:00 AM PST  ST. LOUIS—Quickly checking his hair in the mirror and smelling his breath before she arrived, Monsanto investor George Reese reportedly removed his wedding ring Thursday night before taking a meeting with a tall, busty celery stalk. "Well, well, well, there she is—the most beautiful genetically modified stalk of… |
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