Stephinitely | A colonial farewell to my blue check

Plus, this one's for the postage lovers

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View on the web Go to our home page Subscribe to the Times Monday, April 3, 2023 Forward this to a friend Subscribe to more newsletters My Twitter avatar. [Public Domain] Blue Check, my love, my dearest friend My Blue Check,   Orders have come down from General Musk that you, my wondrous and divine Blue Check, are to be severed from my Twitter account beginning with the first sun. The Gentleman, the Honorable Musk, has delivered this oration to the Hearts of the Twitter Body, wishing that instead we would pay him a sum in the amount of $8 monthly to receive the so-called "Twitter Blue" service.   I corresponded with the Gentleman that, although my books are orderly, he may not put a price on our union. He responded that he can, actually, put a price on our union, which is unfortunately true. As such, I am woefully unwilling to pay. I will not be forced into this tainted digital extortion, my dearest Blue Check, as I know you well understand. You are not only my great love, you are my intellectual equal and will not be party to such gamesmanship as honor and innocence and rectitude require. Also, it is very embarrassing to pay for Twitter Blue, and no one wants to do it.   Our twin hearts will always be one, Blue Check, and you have done me much honor. O, but I will miss your public affection. I will lament your absence and wish for how you propelled my content to a larger audience. I will pine for the legitimacy you lent me as a journalist in the Great War of Commentary. I will suffer the indignity that my normal, non-Blue Check friends are no longer a tiny bit jealous. O, we can laugh, yes, before all posterity? Ha. Haha. Hahaha!   While I do not have high hopes for the General's platform to remain a functional unit much longer, and though I will continue to diminish my personal engagement in earnest, I will miss the good times we celebrated. I will reminisce fondly on the absurdities of Oscar night, the first time we got GIFs, that eve we live-tweeted the Lifetime saga "Liz & Dick" starring the madame Lindsay Lohan. How great was our joy! O, how heavy my heart now hangs!   I wish this letter might find you in good spirits, my beloved Blue Check, given that we may part ways until an undisclosed time when the General Musk is overthrown, and/or realizes that no one will pay him $8 because that is humiliating. Which... might have already happened.   I would give a million sterling to have you by my side once more (but not $8, to be clear). Please write to me with the kind favours that express our everlasting tenderness, and forget not about me. Farewell. Farewell. Hello?   Yours,    Twitter User 45639752585063*   * This letter has been adapted from portions of "My Dearest Friend: Letters of Abigail and John Adams," a book I actually have on my shelf.  Me realizing I am an avid supporter of the United States Postal Service. [Warner Bros.] Be like a stamp and stick to it Since we're kicking it old school with a letter-writing theme this week, allow me to take you deep into the world of postage stamps.   That's right, stamps! In 2023! You see, the president of the St. Petersburg Stamp Club reached out to me earlier this year as the club was gearing up to celebrate its 100th anniversary. I got to talking to him on the phone and learned way more than I ever intended to learn about stamps. He invited me out to one of their meetings, and I was finally able to visit just after spring break.   The members of this club probably know a lot about John and Abigail Adams and their letters. They are historians with troves of knowledge about the vast and strange world. Truly, so much human history has been documented on these tiny, sticky scraps. I had no idea.   My late grandfather collected stamps, and I never fully understood the attraction. I would flip through his books to be polite, but I didn't grasp the point of the hobby before now. Getting to know the folks in the stamp club made me think about my grandpa's most interesting (and obsessive) characteristics, how he was always on a quest to learn something new and how that curiosity simply manifested in his various collections.   So, what I'm saying is, take some time to learn about stamps! Why not?? Hop off dreaded Twitter. Close Taylor Swift TikTok for five minutes (message to myself more than anyone). Slow down. At the very least, you'll come away with a new trivia word after reading.   Read it: As the St. Petersburg Stamp Club turns 100, why collecting lives on Me facing my opponents and ready to win one American dollar. [Associated Press] And another thing! So many publications have analyzed Gwyneth Paltrow's courtroom style, and I will be honest with you: I've read every single piece.   I am sure she is happy that she not only won her case, but that this fashion discussion has shifted focus away from the fact that she subsists primarily on bone broth. Mostly, I am desperate for that gray, double-breasted suit paired with layered gold necklaces so I, too, can stroll into a crowded room looking rich and unbothered. Dare to dream! Contact Stephanie Hayes at shayes@tampabay.com. Follow @stephhayes on Twitter, @stephhayeswrites on Facebook and @stephrhayes on Instagram. Did someone forward this newsletter to you? You can sign up to get Stephinitely in your own inbox next time. Subscribe for free here. 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