Stephinitely | Notes on reading and (ugh) quarantine

Plus, I've eaten half a jar of almond butter

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View on the web Go to our home page Subscribe to the Times Monday, June 6, 2022 Forward this to a friend Subscribe to more newsletters Me calmly encouraging everyone to develop healthy reading habits. [Warner Bros.] Lying to your houseguests and other tips Last week's topic was READING: how to do it at all, how to be better at it, how to smugly discuss your latest erudite selection (hot tub bodice ripper) and annoy all of your friends. I shared my tips and asked for yours. As usual, brilliant Stephinitely readers came through.   Here's a sampling of your ideas for how to feel less like your brain cells are rapidly diminishing in an irreversible way.   Used books are the best books!   "I thought I might remind you that the library has used books for sale, not only downtown but in each branch. Over the years I've come across some real finds as you can never tell what people might donate to them. Indeed, I've bought books that I'd never have thought of once I had a copy in hand. So not only have I supported the library, but I've also expanded my reading interests."   — Tony   May chaos reign!   "Let it go, by all means. I also struggle with this. A corollary to this is that if the beginning doesn’t grab you, start in the middle! Or read the ending first!"   — Suzanne   Hide books like you're smuggling a whole salmon in your coat!   "While raising a family and working full-time, I squeezed in reading wherever and whenever I could. I would read several books at a time, scattering them throughout the house so I could pick them up whenever I had a free moment. I always got a page or two in while I brushed my teeth. A few more pages were completed while I was waiting for something to boil in the kitchen. I would turn on a sprinkler for my garden and pick up the book I kept in the porch. I usually was able to actually get in an uninterrupted hour on Saturday afternoon with a book laying on the coffee table."   — Ann   "Always keep a book with you. There are pockets of time for reading 'chunks,' like in the school pickup line, doctor's waiting room, etc. If you have time to doom-scroll, then you have time to read."   — Dalia   The earth isn't flat, but Kindles are!   "My favorite time to read is while eating lunch. That's why I love my Kindle! I can see the pages so much better than a book flat on the table."   — Marilyn   Get over yourself and deceive your friends!   "Trying different genres. When students told me they were required to borrow a non-fiction book but really didn’t like non-fiction, I’d take them to biographies. Still a story, but true."   — Suzanne   "Years ago, I was invited to join a friend vacationing on a lake in Minnesota. 'Don't bring a book,' he said. 'I've got one by Stephen King I think you'll like.'  In reply, I sniffed, 'Stephen King is insufficiently cerebral for me. I'm reading something by James Michener.'  (I had not even read a King book at the time!) Later, I was enjoying the sun by the lake, and my friend approached bearing 'Thinner' by Richard Bachman. 'Just read the first chapter, and tell me what you think,' he said. I acquiesced and read the first chapter. Then the second. Then the third. 'Well, what do you think?' asked my friend. I said, 'This Bachman bloke is pretty good. I wonder if he has anything else out?' My friend replied triumphantly, 'He's got a LOT of stuff out. Richard Bachman is Stephen King!'   Touché."   — Chas Me looking out the window of my Airbnb while holding a jar of almond butter (out of frame). [Shutterstock] Stumbling Outside the CBD Store: A COVID Tale Portrait of a lady crumbling:   Last weekend, when things seemed fine ("fine" is relative), my husband and I stopped into an open house and were immediately subsumed with indignation.    The house was 1,000 square feet and reeked of cigarette smoke. The immediate neighbor flew grotesque flags that included an enormous F-word. The asking price was $500,000. As people in the house cringed at the flag, the agent laughed nervously and said something about how we can all get along. We left with the flyers and read the preposterous descriptions of this property over lunch. I mean, it can't be easy to be a Realtor who knows she's got a clunker in this market that won't allow for reasonable pricing.   Because I can't move on without spending four hours on the internet, this open house led me down a hole of real estate listings in Tampa Bay. I narrowed my search to the half-million dollar range, where a theme emerged in the descriptions: This is a tear-down! Such potential!   I devised a quiz. Can you tell which of these listings are fake and which are real? It's kind of scary how hard it is.   I wish I had the typesetting ability to turn the answer key upside down like quizzes from the 1990s in Seventeen and Sassy. They made it hard for cheaters to find out "WHAT KIND OF GIRLFRIEND ARE YOU?" or "ARE YOU GOTH, PREP OR EMO?" Wow, those were the days.   Read it: Real or fake? Tampa Bay listings for half-million dollar homes   Speaking of the good old days (a week and a half ago): I am supposed to be in Costa Rica right now on a long-planned family vacation. But... you know how this goes. COVID found my household (we're "fine"). We canceled.    Somehow I managed to test negative, so to keep that same energy, I moved briefly to an inexpensive Airbnb. The studio apartment had one book: The Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu. CUE LAUGH TRACK. All things considered, though, it wasn't so bad. I'm a true Gemini in that I am outgoing and social most of the time but need to retreat into a hole like a nasty gremlin to recharge. I missed my family and the comforts of home, but it was an opportunity to pretend to be, like, Ernest Hemingway, or... I don't know, who's another writer who disappeared to a shack? Thoreau? Emerson? RICHARD BACHMAN?   Mostly, I worked and watched Hulu and ate microwave meals and spoons of almond butter (see below for more). Occasionally, I stared out the slats of the blinds like Michael Myers. In the hustle to get out of the Rona House, I somehow grabbed all the worst clothes I own. At one point, I found myself shuffling to a gas station for paper towels in a TARPON SPRINGS SPONGE DOCKS tank top and stretch pants, tripping over my rubber Adidas slides outside the neighboring smoke shop. I repeat, I was supposed to be ON A CHOCOLATE TOUR IN COSTA RICA.   These times are nothing if not a test of expectations. We're looking to reschedule a trip for later this summer, but I've decided to still take this week off. I need a mental reset, as anyone who saw me stumble outside the DELTA 8/CBD/DISCOUNT SMOKES store can attest. Also, next Monday is my birthday and I'll probably talk to no one.   This newsletter will return on June 20! Thanks for your support at this difficult time. And another thing! One of my favorite recurring features is from New York Magazine's The Strategist: "What [insert celebrity] Can't Live Without." It's basically a what's-in-the-purse feature for famous people full of beauty products and candles and pens and weird at-home stuff you'd never think of. It's reliably informative. Hm, should we start the same kind of feature for local people? No, time off! Time off!   Anyway, right before my Airbnb exodus, I read one from Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty. He gave the most impassioned pitch for peanut butter I have ever read. You can just see for yourself.   I'm in an almond butter place currently, so while buying depressing microwave meals for the gremlin house, I picked up a jar of Justin's maple almond butter to see about the hype.   Friends, I ate * muffled voice * of that jar with a spoon. Please, no further questions. Contact Stephanie Hayes at shayes@tampabay.com. Follow @stephhayes on Twitter, @stephhayeswrites on Facebook and @stephrhayes on Instagram. Did someone forward this newsletter to you? You can sign up to get Stephinitely in your own inbox next time. Subscribe for free here. Contact us Privacy policy Terms, Conditions & Copyright Standard of accuracy © 2022 • All Rights Reserved Tampa Bay Times • 490 First Avenue South • St. Petersburg, FL 33701 • 727-893-8111 To ensure this email is delivered to your inbox, add custserv@elist.tampabay.com to your address book. 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