Tuesday, 4 January 2022

The Onion

The Onion


Rabbit Who Got Caught By Hawk Honestly Relieved It Can Finally Relax Now

Posted: 04 Jan 2022 05:00 AM PST

EVANSTON, IL—Admitting that the anticipation had been the worst part, a local rabbit who was recently caught by a hawk confirmed Tuesday that it was in all honesty relieved it could finally just relax. "You know, you spend your whole life living in fear that one day this big catastrophe is going to happen to you, and…

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Excuses To Get Out Of Work That Bosses See Right Through

Posted: 04 Jan 2022 05:00 AM PST

Your boss may be stupid, but they're not that stupid. Here are common excuses people use to get out of work that management will see right through.

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City Announces Construction Of 20 New Miles Of Secret Underground Tunnels For Vloggers To Explore

Posted: 04 Jan 2022 05:00 AM PST

SAN FRANCISCO—Hoping to expand access to the important municipal resource, the city of San Francisco reportedly announced the construction of 20 new miles of secret underground tunnels Wednesday for vloggers to explore. "We are happy to announce that we've broken ground on a whole new system of spooky tunnels for…

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