Points in Case |
| Posted: 27 Dec 2021 10:00 AM PST Phangry: This is when you get angry because you are hungry and the DJ isn't spinning any Phil Collins tunes. Phork: This is an eating utensil composed of a traditional fork and a Phil Collins action figure. Philamping: A style of camping with amenities not typically associated with traditional camping and also singing "A Groovy Kind of Love" from the Buster soundtrack around the campfire. Philbinar: This is an online seminar wherein the main curriculum consists of watching Phil Collins videos on YouTube. Philkini: This is a two-piece bathing suit like a bikini but when you put it on it looks like you're wearing the suit Phil wore in the video for his 1985 hit, "Sussudio." Collax: This is when you relax by putting your headphones on and listening to "One More Night" on repeat. Philabradoodle: This is a dog made by mixing the DNA of a Labrador Retriever, a Poodle, and Phil Collins. Phileshlight: A masturbatory aid, designed to mimic the look and feel of both a vagina and Phil Collins' face. Collinomics: This refers to a country's economic policies when that country favors reduced government spending and when that country's currency uses Phil Collins' cassette tapes and CDs as currency; so like when someone in that country goes to say that country's version of Home Depot and they say, "I want to buy this drill and a gallon of paint." The cashier will ring it up and say, "That'll be two 'No Jacket Required' CDs, one 'Hello I Must Be Going' CD, an 'Another Day in Paradise' cassingle and two 'I Wish It Would Rain Down' 45s." Collinsanity: This is when Phil Collins joined the Knicks and everyone suddenly loved him. Phrenemy: This is when you are friends with Phil Collins despite fundamentally disliking him. Collywood: This is the film industry made up completely of films filmed in Phil Collins' house. Photel: This is when you stay at a hotel with Phil Collins. Snowpocollinsypse: This is when it snows so hard that roads and most businesses are closed so you stay home and tell Alexa to play "Against All Odds" on repeat as you sip General Foods International Coffee and watch the snow fall outside your window. Philcation: This is when you go on vacation to see a Phil Collins concert. Phathlete: This is when you compete in karaoke competitions by singing "Two Hearts" from the Buster Soundtrack. Philk: This is the milk you get by milking Phil Collins. Phog: This is when you are walking through such dense fog that you think you might literally be walking in the "In the Air Tonight" video. Collinado: This is when you are in a tornado while listening to the “…But Seriously” album. Phart: This is when you fart and accidentally play the first four to six notes of the chorus to "You Can't Hurry Love." Collcasity: This is when you are Caucasian and demand to speak with the manager whenever a Phil Collins song plays on the store or restaurant's PA system and demand that the manager turn up the volume. |
| New Year’s Resolutions with Enough Wiggle Room to Ensure Keeping Them Posted: 27 Dec 2021 05:00 AM PST I will run a mile every morning …but if my knee is acting up, I will walk instead… unless it's raining, of course… or even drizzling (don't want to catch a cold)… or, naturally, if I have something important to do that morning… like driving my wife to the supermarket (well, it's important to her)… or getting a haircut (important to me)… or some other things I'd rather not get into right now… but if it's a sunny day and I feel one-hundred percent (not just knee, but entire body) and I have absolutely nothing else to do, I will run… no, correct that, walk (knee never feels one-hundred percent) a mile (maybe less, depending on how knee feels) every morning… weekday morning, that is… excluding holidays. I will not eat meat …talking about red meat, of course… pork is alright, according to that ad campaign… but definitely no beef or veal… except on holidays (can't insult the family)… and at business meals (can't insult the clients)… and maybe on Sundays (should have one day off, right?)… and franks and hamburgers are okay at the ballpark (otherwise I'd starve, which would be more unhealthy than red meat)… but I'll absolutely forgo beef jerky… even on Sunday… I guarantee that one-hundred percent. I will drink less alcohol …maybe only one glass of wine a day… unless it's with a meal—then, I understand, it's alright to have two… three, if it's white wine or rose… actually, even with red wine there's some leeway—more allowed with lighter reds than with heavier ones like Sicilian reds (which, fortunately, aren't exactly my favorites)… so, I vow that if I have a Sicilian red wine, I will have no more than one glass… unless, of course, it's with dinner. I will read more important books …not just page-turners… though who says a page-turner can't be important?… it's subjective, isn't it?… I mean a book doesn't have to be a boring struggle to read to be important, does it?… well, I don't think so… but don't get the wrong idea, I'm not going to read just supermarket paperbacks… although I have seen some there that, though maybe not considered important, are definitely not unimportant… kind of a grey area, right?… like I said, subjective… what's important to one person may not be important to the next person… well, I'm sure I'll make the right decisions… for me, anyway. I will socialize more …at least once a week I'll try to have lunch with friends… but not those bores who talk about themselves all the time… or those tightwads who go to the bathroom as soon as the check comes… just friends who I really like… and, I might add, who live close enough so that I don't have to drive forever to get to the restaurant (not to mention the ones who never want to at least meet at a restaurant in the middle but who always want to go to a place that's close to them)… anyway, I think I still have a few of those interesting, non-stingy, unselfish, friends left… I'll be sure to check my address book… as soon as I have a chance. I will save more money …if I get a raise… a decent one… no, make that if I get a substantial one… if so, I can guarantee that I will save more money than I did last year (which, in the interest of full disclosure, was zero)… well, I can practically guarantee it, anyway. |
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