The Onion |
- Major Biden In Trouble Again After Burying Antony Blinken In Rose Garden
- Bill And Melinda Gates Announce Divorce
- Steve Ballmer Releases Statement Clarifying Marriage Has Never Been More Solid
- Couple Worried Relationship Will Lose Spark Once They Move Into Leader’s Compound
- Man Psyches Self Up To Watch Movie
- Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Buy Your First Home
- Tips For Learning An Instrument
- Old, Wheezing Mustard Bottle Put Out Of Its Misery
- Alaska Airlines Bans GOP State Senator
| Major Biden In Trouble Again After Burying Antony Blinken In Rose Garden Posted: 04 May 2021 10:54 AM PDT |
| Bill And Melinda Gates Announce Divorce Posted: 04 May 2021 10:27 AM PDT  Bill and Melinda Gates have announced they are splitting up after 27 years of marriage, a decision that is likely to have wide ranging effects on the worlds of philanthropy, healthcare, and business. What do you think?  |
| Steve Ballmer Releases Statement Clarifying Marriage Has Never Been More Solid Posted: 04 May 2021 09:30 AM PDT  HUNTS POINT, WA—Sharing the message on his Twitter account as well as in an official press release to journalists, Steve Ballmer issued a statement Tuesday clarifying that his marriage has never been more solid. "After 31 years of marriage, I'm proud to announce our relationship has never been better—God, Connie, I…  |
| Couple Worried Relationship Will Lose Spark Once They Move Into Leader’s Compound Posted: 04 May 2021 08:15 AM PDT  MOUNT DORA, FL—Expressing concerns about the complications that could arise from cohabitation, a local couple was reportedly worried Tuesday that their relationship might lose its spark once they both move into the leader's compound. "Don't get me wrong—it's exciting for my boyfriend Rob and I to take this next step…  |
| Man Psyches Self Up To Watch Movie Posted: 04 May 2021 08:08 AM PDT  ITHACA, NY—Worried that he wouldn't be able to endure the task in his current mindset, local man Brian Grinnell was reportedly psyching himself up Tuesday to watch a movie. "Look, Brian, it's just two hours and it's over—you've got this," said Grinnell, reminding himself that he could always take a break halfway…  |
| Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Buy Your First Home Posted: 04 May 2021 08:00 AM PDT  With interest rates at historic lows, more people than ever are thinking of breaking into the real estate market. You asked The Onion about how to buy your first home, and now, we have the answers.  |
| Tips For Learning An Instrument Posted: 04 May 2021 06:37 AM PDT |
| Old, Wheezing Mustard Bottle Put Out Of Its Misery Posted: 04 May 2021 05:45 AM PDT |
| Alaska Airlines Bans GOP State Senator Posted: 04 May 2021 05:00 AM PDT  Alaska Airlines has banned Republican senator Lora Reinbold after her continued refusal to comply with its mask-wearing policy, which could cause Reinbold future complications since the airline operates the only direct flights from her district to the state capitol. What do you think?  |
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