The Onion |
- Overweight Nephew Heaved Into Pool Like Anchor
- FDA To Ban Menthol Cigarettes
- White House Officials Watch In Horror As Major Biden Pulls Marine One Straight Out Of Sky
- Deal Alert: Any Video Game At Any Price Is Inherently An Incredible Deal Because Video Games Are Great
- What Federal Investigators Found In Rudy Giuliani’s Home
- Devastated Man Questions How Economy Recovering From Pandemic If He Only Made $4.1 Million In Q1
- Democrats Throw Justice Breyer Surprise Retirement Party Hoping He’ll Just Go With It
- Artist Profile: Ariana Grande
- Miami Private School Bars Vaccinated Teachers
- Only Tree In Class Sick Of Always Having To Explain Arbor Day
| Overweight Nephew Heaved Into Pool Like Anchor Posted: 30 Apr 2021 11:41 AM PDT |
| Posted: 30 Apr 2021 10:51 AM PDT  The FDA is taking steps to ban menthol-flavored tobacco products in a move praised by public health and civil rights groups, citing evidence that the products are more addictive than unflavored tobacco and marketed aggressively toward Black consumers. What do you think?  |
| White House Officials Watch In Horror As Major Biden Pulls Marine One Straight Out Of Sky Posted: 30 Apr 2021 09:55 AM PDT  WASHINGTON—Gasping as the first dog galloped across the Rose Garden and launched himself towards the airborne helicopter, White House officials watched in horror Friday as Major Biden pulled Marine One straight out of the sky. "Oh my god, how did he do that?" said presidential aide Jessica Reed as the German shepherd…  |
| Posted: 30 Apr 2021 09:22 AM PDT  Whoa, OGN readers are definitely going to want to check this out! We've discovered a special deal that gaming aficionados will flip for: Any video game at any price is inherently an incredible value because video games are great.  |
| What Federal Investigators Found In Rudy Giuliani’s Home Posted: 30 Apr 2021 08:55 AM PDT  Federal investigators executed a search warrant at the home and office of Rudy Giuliani, the former New York City mayor who led President Donald Trump's legal team. The Onion examines the key findings federal investigators made in the search.  |
| Devastated Man Questions How Economy Recovering From Pandemic If He Only Made $4.1 Million In Q1 Posted: 30 Apr 2021 08:45 AM PDT  NEW YORK—Confused by the growing optimism when his rate of return was still suffering so much, devastated man Scott Buford questioned Friday how the economy could be recovering from the pandemic if he only made $4.1 million in Q1. "They say the economy is starting to boom in the wake of the Covid-19 pandemic, but I…  |
| Democrats Throw Justice Breyer Surprise Retirement Party Hoping He’ll Just Go With It Posted: 30 Apr 2021 07:15 AM PDT  WASHINGTON—Jumping out from hiding spots and popping champagne when the Supreme Court justice turned on the lights in his office, a group of Democratic Party leaders reportedly threw a surprise retirement party Friday for Stephen Breyer hoping that he would just go with it. "We're sorry to see you go, but it's really…  |
| Posted: 30 Apr 2021 06:14 AM PDT |
| Miami Private School Bars Vaccinated Teachers Posted: 30 Apr 2021 06:02 AM PDT  A Miami private school is refusing to employ anyone vaccinated against Covid-19 in a decision based on debunked misinformation that says vaccinated people could transmit something harmful to students, angering parents and returning employees alike. What do you think?  |
| Only Tree In Class Sick Of Always Having To Explain Arbor Day Posted: 30 Apr 2021 05:00 AM PDT  ROCHESTER, NY—Already feeling singled out by being the only one in class with leaves, branches, and a trunk, a walnut sapling confirmed this week it was sick of always having to explain Arbor Day at school. "I get it, I grew up in the forest, but why don't any of the other kids have to stand at the front of the room…  |
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